The Gaokao (高考) is China’s highly competitive, standardized national college entrance examination that typically serves as the sole determinant for a student’s admission into higher education.

The following paragraphs were written during the evenings of those Gaokao days, just treating them as a diary.

Jun 5

It is now 6:41 PM on June 5th. It is raining heavily outside, and the fourth movement of Dvořák’s “From the New World” is playing in my earphones. I am in a corner of the joint-class classroom, feeling a bit bored. Not just a bit, but probably very bored. So I started complaining on paper again. Anyway, we are given plenty of scratch paper during usual exams, and the ink is cheap and comes in large bottles, so I might as well write something.

There are two days left until the Gaokao today, but I am not nervous at all. I haven’t realized that the exam I am about to take is such a large-scale one, incomparable to ordinary school exams and city-wide mock exams. It’s hard to say if this is good or bad. Now Maksim’s “Flight of the Bumblebee” is playing in my earphones.

A girl in front of me has been shaking her chair on the left, causing my desk to shake constantly, which is so annoying. But putting myself in her shoes, when I was talking to the classmate next to me in the morning, she might have been as annoyed by my noise as I am now. So I can’t be too selfish either, even though she shakes even more vigorously when she gets excited.

Back to the topic, being too nervous is bad, and being too relaxed is naturally not good either. So what is my state exactly?

Three years ago during the High School Entrance Examination (Zhongkao), there is no doubt that I was too relaxed, extremely confident, and blindly confident. I brought my phone to school, playing with it after class and even during class. After school in the evening, classmates played music videos on the computer in the classroom, turning off the lights to sing until the security guard came to chase us away. Naturally, I participated in such activities too. During the nights before the Zhongkao, I chatted with classmates in our classroom every day. After class, I rode a scooter from who-knows-where like crazy. I wasn’t nervous at all during the three days of the Zhongkao. I felt three days were too slow, yet in the blink of an eye, I walked through my three years across six test papers. The rain on the last day was heavier than the previous two. English was the last subject, surprisingly simple, like a test for elementary school students. I finished it in just an hour, then I stopped writing, looked left and right, and couldn’t find a single mistake. So I started contemplating life, fantasizing about my life after getting into a key high school. Two weeks later, I found out I only got one obvious question wrong on the English test. I was annoyed and blamed myself. I didn’t do well in other subjects either, and I didn’t end up going to a key high school. It was my arrogance, conceit, and indulgence that ruined me.

Will I repeat my past? I don’t know, and I hope not. I don’t have much pursuit now either. I just think whatever Tier 1 university is fine, and getting into a Project 211 university would be lucky. Asking myself honestly, do I really not want to get directly into a 211? Of course I do. But my math is too poor, so poor that I’ll never forget it; I only score around forty or fifty. With the difficulty level of the 2025 National Paper II, I can’t even get over 80% of the multiple-choice questions right. I want to change, but I’ve never made up my mind, just as laughable as my weight loss plan. Haha, now there are only two days left, and it’s no longer up to me.

To comfort myself, actually, I haven’t been completely idle. At least I still write some comprehensive exercises distributed by the teachers every night, except for math.

I want to award some prizes to my subjects:

  • The Most Confident Award: English. My English has always been okay, relatively speaking.
  • The Least Confident Award: Politics. Ever since the reform, answering questions requires hitting specific key points, but I have never hit them.
  • The Least Hopeful Award: Math, reasons mentioned above.
  • The Most Fluctuating Award: Chinese. It was only in the second semester of senior year that my Chinese started to improve. I can’t figure out why, and I feel the difficulty of the papers hasn’t changed either.
  • The Most Peaceful Mind Award: History. This is up to fate. Sometimes I am at the top, sometimes I fail miserably.
  • The Most Hoped to Overperform Award: Biology. I just want to perform exceptionally well.

The reasons I fear the Gaokao are: there are too many procedures, it’s too formal, and testing for three days is too long. In Chinese composition, I’m afraid of misunderstanding the prompt and lacking material. In math, I’m afraid it will be too difficult, leaving me without even a chance to write slowly. In English, I’m afraid of being backstabbed, just like in the Zhongkao. In history, I’m afraid of getting multiple-choice questions wrong, and the same goes for politics and biology. Besides, I am afraid the political materials will be too difficult to match with the knowledge points. For biology, I am afraid the scenarios will be too complex.

Finally, I wish myself good luck in the Gaokao, which is the day after tomorrow. Reminding myself to read the questions carefully.

Jun 6

I set off at 5 PM to check the exam venue. It only took about ten minutes from my school. But along the way, there were towns blending with villages, making it look like northern Myanmar, lol.

The school where my exam venue is located is actually surrounded by mountains and rivers—actually, more like barren hills and turbulent waters. The entire school is surprisingly built next to a few small hills. Upon entering the school gate, there is a long slope, and the campus decoration is a mix of old and new.

I felt like I had returned to a movie. In my impression, the style from the 80s and 90s to the millennium was like this. It reminded me of a few campus movies I watched many years ago, like “Our Shining Days” or “Song of Youth”. It’s exactly this kind of campus decoration. If I were just visiting, this school could be considered a treasure trove of nostalgia for artsy youths. There’s also an internet-famous park nearby. The campus is quite large, and surprisingly there seems to be a junior high section. My exam room is exactly in a seventh-grade classroom.

After checking my exam room, I took a look at other classrooms not used for exams. Group photos of these seventh-grade juniors were hung at the doors. It seemed I found myself from six years ago among these tender faces. I’ve actually changed so much in just six short years. Six years ago, I was full of expectations for junior high life, just like them. Later, after the Zhongkao, I thought I would spend a rose-colored high school life. Now, tomorrow I am heading to the Gaokao exam venue, although I am not very nervous. Wish me success from the very beginning.

Jun 7

Today is the Gaokao, and it’s really hot! I thought it was just because I was too fat that I sweat so much. Seeing everyone wet both front and back, I felt relieved. Fortunately, the temperature in the classroom was quite pleasant, and I wasn’t feeling very hot and bothered. However, classmates in other classrooms all said it was very hot.

I have to say, apart from the more complicated procedures, I still don’t feel much like I’m taking the Gaokao. Whether it’s good or bad, I don’t know. As I was writing the exam paper, I forgot I was taking the Gaokao. Perhaps the only thing that could remind me was the big characters “National College Entrance Examination” on the paper.

The advantage of sitting at the first desk might be getting the paper early to start reading? Absolutely not. It’s smelling the stench of the toilet from time to time, hahaha. Not everyone in the classroom was from our school; a few were probably from the host school. Among them, there was a boy with a very special name, called “Zhou YAN”. I don’t know which YAN. The seating chart outside the exam room was written like this, and even his own barcode said “Zhou YAN”. Let’s just call him “Zhou Yan” (周衍)? It couldn’t be “Zhou Yan” (周延), could it? But it must be a very rare Chinese character. However, he is quite handsome, with a kind of gentle and elegant refinement. He is fair and thin, and although he slouches, he is still quite tall, must be over 1.8 meters. If he straightens up, wouldn’t he be over 1.9 meters?

Chinese and math were neither difficult nor easy, similar to the mock exams outside school. I hope math won’t be too easy, otherwise everyone will get high scores, and a poor student like me will have no advantage. I can only hope that the points lost in math will be made up in other subjects. The more I wrote the Chinese composition, the more I felt I wrote poorly, but an arrow shot cannot be drawn back, so I had to bite the bullet and keep writing. Tomorrow is history and English. Unfortunately, the send-off before departure won’t be as lively as this morning’s for Chinese. School teachers, property management, and parents lined the street to cheer us on, several motorcycle police alternately cleared the way, turning red lights to green, and passing vehicles had to stop to let the convoy pass. Does that count as a low-budget presidential motorcade?

The driver was also very enthusiastic, sending us blessings in various ways. Perhaps he also has a child who is about to take or has taken the Gaokao. Wish me continued efforts tomorrow! I must get a good night’s sleep tonight; I only slept for over 5 hours last night.

Jun 8

The tradition of heavy rain during the Gaokao has indeed been passed down. When I woke up this afternoon, it was pouring. In the morning, I was clamoring at the sky about how it didn’t dare to rain, and I got my retribution immediately. Fortunately, there was no thunder, otherwise a couple of rumbles during the listening test would be too uncomfortable. Although the splashing sound of the rain was also very noisy. With the rain, the motorcycle police also sat in our minibus, continuously reporting the convoy’s position using the walkie-talkie. Our class’s car could be considered the flagship.

“Convoy XX is now passing the XXXX intersection.” “Now there are 200 meters to the XX intersection.” After speaking, there was the beep-beep sound of the radio. Of course, there were other people’s voices on the channel. Someone asked if they had eaten. Someone said not yet. Someone shouted asking the people ahead to slow down. Someone said the convoy from so-and-so middle school was setting off now. It is evident that the traffic police department attaches great importance to our Gaokao work.

I originally thought we were like ambulances, allowed to run red lights if safe. But this morning when we went to take the history exam, the motorcycle police clearing the way also stopped with us to wait for the traffic lights. Perhaps it was because of the Monday morning rush hour. The bridge crossing the river was congested from end to end. Off the bridge, it was still congested. But we don’t have to face traffic jams tomorrow; there are no exams tomorrow morning.

Today’s exams were quite standard, neither difficult nor easy. Except for the two open-ended questions and an analysis question in history, which I messed up writing. Too many words, conceiving for too long. I only stopped writing a dozen seconds after the bell rang. The girl on my left was still writing after the ending bell finished. The roaming invigilator came over and said, candidates, please stop writing immediately. Invigilator A said on the podium that someone was still writing, there was video surveillance, and they had to take responsibility for themselves. Fortunately, she stopped writing immediately, otherwise she really would have been escorted away. Only at this time did I feel I was taking the serious Gaokao.

Going through the security check gave me a feeling of taking the subway. At this time last night, I specifically asked the head teacher, what if I forget I’m taking the Gaokao while writing the exam? The head teacher said this is the best mindset. Treat big exams like small exams, and small exams like big exams.

The English listening test in the afternoon confirmed the English teacher’s statement yesterday: since math is so difficult this year, English will become easier. Indeed, it wasn’t very difficult, about an average level. Passage C was harder than Passage D. I thought my ideas for the practical writing were okay. For the continuation writing, I felt the plot was a bit lacking and the elevation of the theme was not good. I remember writing a similar continuation before; however, that person was losing weight, and this one was just staying up late, otherwise pretty much the same.

I only slept for 6 hours again last night and woke up for a while in the middle of the night. Tonight I will definitely sleep well, sleep in, since there are no exams tomorrow morning. In the afternoon, I will sprint for the last two subjects. Go, go, go! I can see the dawn of victory.

Jun 9

Finally finished the exams.

It didn’t rain today, which is nice. After collecting the papers, I was the first to run out of the exam room. The head teacher’s expression seemed to say: I am the first one out again. Mackerel sky hung above, blue and clear. Then the crowd also walked out of the teaching building one after another. The head teacher asked us to find some steps to take a group photo as a souvenir, although she never sends us the group photos she takes every time.

After taking the photo, I packed my backpack and walked straight toward the school gate, which was already densely packed with parents coming to pick up their children. But my parents were at my own school, so I still had to take the school’s chartered bus back. This was also the last time sitting in this bus. Not exactly reluctant to part, just feeling a bit emotional.

Along the way, everyone was talking and laughing, discussing summer vacation plans and future arrangements. Back at school, the first and second-year students had returned from their Gaokao holiday for evening self-study. Sitting inside the bus, we waved excitedly at them. “Bye juniors, we are leaving first!” someone shouted outside after opening the window.

We were the last bus to return for the whole school, and we were the only one returning.

Finally finished the exams, but I wasn’t that excited. It felt like I had just finished an ordinary monthly exam. It’s just that this time I don’t need to go to the classroom at 7:30 for evening self-study, I don’t need to move desks to change seats, I don’t need to clean up garbage, I don’t need to distribute materials, I don’t need to howl like ghosts and wolves to check answers, I don’t need to spend a sad night, no one will review the test papers anymore, and no one will catch me for being late in the morning anymore. I don’t need to attend high school anymore.

This paragraph was actually added later by me because I was too tired the night I finished the exams, so I didn’t write it.